In this thread we discuss translations of the Yohsinoya rant.
And here's a much more literal line-by-line translation, also mine, that was later reworked into >>2:
Well never mind all that, >>1. Listen to this, will you? I know it's got nothing to do with this thread.
Today I went to the local Yoshinoya. Yoshinoya!
The place was so packed with people I couldn't find a seat!
So, I looked around, and I found a sign that said "150 yen off".
What are you, idiots? Morons?
Just because it's 150 yen off, don't come to Yoshinoya where you wouldn't normally go, you numbskulls!
It's 150 yen! 150 yen!
And you're bringing the kids too. A family of 4 going to Yoshinoya. Fucking congratulations.
And then they go, "All right, daddy's gonna to order the extra-large!". I can't watch any more of this.
Look people, I'll give you 150 yen to free up that seat.
You know, Yoshinoya should be a lot more brutal.
You never know when two guys facing each other across a U-shaped table will start a fight.
The stab-or-be-stabbed atmosphere is what's so good. Women and kids, get out of here.
Well, when I finally found a seat, the guy next to me goes, "Large with extra gravy, please".
So I got pissed off again.
Look here, extra gravy is totally out of style these days, you idiot.
Why are you saying "extra gravy" with such a produ look on your face?
I wanted to ask you, were you really going to eat all that gravy. To interrogate you. Interrogate you for about an hour.
I think you actually only wanted to say "extra gravy".
Now let me, the Yoshinoya veteran, tell you something. The latest thing among us Yoshinoya veterans is this:
Extra green onions. That's it.
Large with extra green onions and egg. This is what the connoisseur orders.
With extra onions, they put in more onions, but less meat.
Now, a large with egg (a raw egg), that's the best.
However, if you keep ordering this, there's a danger the employees will mark you. It's a double-edged sword.
I can't really recommend it to amateurs.
And well, you, >>1, you should just get today's special.
Grrr typos. Here's a fixed fixed version of my re-worked version:
Well, never mind all that, >>1. This has nothing to do with this thread, but would you just listen to me for a little bit? See, I went to the local Yoshinoya today. Right. Yoshinoya. And the damn place was packed so full of people, I couldn't even find a seat. So I looked around a bit, and I found a sign that said "150 yen off". What the hell is wrong with you people? Are you idiots or something? Any other day you wouldn't even think of going to Yoshinoya, but if it's 150 yen off, you all flock in here? It's just 150 fucking yen! 150 yen! And you're brining the kids too. Look at that, a family of four going to Yoshinoya. Con-fucking-gratulations. And now the guy's going, "All right! Daddy's going to order the extra-large!" Shit, I can't watch any more of this.
Yoshinoya should be fucking brutal. Two guys sit facing each other across a U-shaped table, and you never quite know if they'll suddenly just start a fight right there. It's stab-or-be-stabbed, and that's what so damn great about the place. Women and kids should stay the fuck away.
Well, I finally found a seat, but then the guy next to me goes, "I'll have an large bowl with extra gravy!". So now I'm pissed off again. Who the fuck orders extra gravy these days? Why are you looking so goddamn proud when you say that? I was gonna ask you, are you really going to fucking eat all that gravy? I wanted to fucking interrogate you. For about a fucking hour. You know what? I think you just wanted to say "extra gravy".
Now, take it from the Yoshinoya veteran. The latest thing among the Yoshinoya pros is this: Extra green onions. That's the ticket. A large bowl with extra onions, and egg. This is what someone who knows his shit orders. They put in more onions, and less meat. A large bowl with the raw egg, that's really fucking awesome. Now, you should know, if you keep ordering this, there's a risk employees might write you up. This really is a double-edged sword. I really can't recommend this for amateurs.
And you, >>1, well, you should really just stick to today's special.
Requesting posting of the Japanese "original"
The original is also found in 2ch's FAQ, which is where I got my copy.
Also:
> Now, take it from the Yoshinoya veteran!
!
Hey, >>1, forget about that and listen up for a minute, okay? This has nothing to do with this thread, but listen to me anyway! See, I went to Yoshinoya today. You know, Yoshinoya? And the damn place was packed so full of people, I couldn't even find a seat! So I looked around a bit, and I found a sign that said "150 yen off". What the fuck is wrong with you people? Are you dense? Any other day, you know, you wouldn't even think of going to Yoshinoya, but if it's 150 yen off, you all flock in here? Christ, it's 150 yen! You can't buy a soda with that! And you're bringing the kids too, huh? Look at that, a family of four going to Yoshinoya. Congratulations. And now the little boy's going, "All right! Daddy's going to order the extra-large!" I can't watch any more of this shit.
Yoshinoya should be fucking brutal, you know what I'm saying? Two guys facing each other across a U-shaped table, and out of the blue they're gonna start a fight right there. It's stab-or-be-stabbed, that's what so damn great about the place. Women and kids should stay the fuck away.
Well, I finally found a seat, but then the guy next to me goes, "HURR HURR HURRRRRR! I'll have an large bowl with EXTRA GRAVY!!". So now I'm pissed off again. Who the shit orders extra gravy these days? Why are you looking so goddamn proud when you say that? I wanna ask you, are you really going to fucking eat all that gravy? I wanna fucking interrogate you. For about a hour. You know what? I think you just wanted to say "extra gravy".
Now, take it from a Yoshinoya veteran, kid. The latest thing among the Yoshinoya pros is this: Extra green onions. That's the ticket. A large bowl with extra onions, and an egg. That's what someone who knows his shit orders. They put in more onions, and less meat. A large bowl with a raw egg, that's damn awesome. Now, you should know, if you keep ordering this, there's a risk the employees might write you up. It's really a double-edged sword. I can't recommend this for amateurs.
Now, as for you, >>1, you should just stick to today's special.
more versions, some are silly:
http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1102173036
wikipedia article:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoshinoya_Rant
My dear friends and esteemed guests, please put aside your own business for a time and hear my most unfortunate plea. I hesitate to inform you, because you may find the news rather shocking, that this very afternoon, when I was stopping by a local Starbucks, an establishment with which you are undoubtedly familiar, for a spot of cappucino, to my astonishment I discovered that the place was packed to the brim with citizenry. Such were the conditions of this place that not a single chair was left empty for me to sit upon, and it goes without saying that the comfortable loungers by the entrance exposed no vacancy. Bemused, my eyes searched the premises for any sort of proper explanation, only to discover a sign on the open door reading, quite succinctly, "$1 Off Today." Friends, can you bring yourselves to believe that in this modern world, in an age of unprecedented wealth, the people of New York still flock in absurd numbers to any store at the mere prospect of saving a tiny portrait of President Washington? Why, when I take the occasional pleasure of riding in a taxi cab, the driver receives more than that from my own wallet in the form of a tip! I was forced to avert my eyes at the sight of a family of four seated around a single small table, bickering endlessly with each other over the size and shape of their hot drinks. If it were proper to do so, I would let them know the current paradigm!
Starbucks is one of those few remaining places in our city where the more refined straits of our civilisation can join for a comfortable and informal discussion. Two properly educated gentlemen sitting across from each other at a well-polished table, enjoying cups of fresh coffee and discussing the news of the day. This is what makes Starbucks such an attractive destination for the noble elements. It is not, I emphasize, not a place for children and homemakers to wander unattended.
After a long delay I found myself a seat on a wallside bench distant from any table. Just as I was regaining my wits, the construction worker at the counter smiled flirtingly at the poor barista, saying, and this is a direct quote, "Hey, honey, get me a mocha americano!" Upon hearing this unfortunate juxtaposition I involuntarily cringed, but I forced myself to remain silent to preserve the decorum of the establishment, what little of it remained. For an americano is an espresso with hot water, whereas a mocha, is an espresso with chocolate and steamed milk. The two drinks are mutually exclusive, and to combine them is quite impossible. Does this poor wretch even know what he is ordering? What sort of drink does he expect? Does he ask for an americano merely because his friends told him it would demonstrate his social prowess? These are the sort of questions I would be interested in asking him, were I in a more suitable position to do so.
As he would know if he were a more regular patron, the americano is by now a fad of a bygone era. When you approach the counter tomorrow, on your morning route to work, you should ask for a cafe mocha valencia. This is a mocha with a distinct bouquet of orange, enhanced by a sprinkling of grated orange peel on the top of the whipped cream. Be warned, though, that if you ask for a valencia too frequently, or make a point of it, the barista will begin to recognize you before you even order, which can be quite embarrasing.
But as for you, >>1, you should just stick to a Frappucino.